Just a heads up. there are no pictures in this one so.. this is usually where I put the book down and go look for another one. BUT if you're feeling ready- go for it.
I've been thinking about this blog post for a while, even while it was happening, but I hadn't written anything up because most of my family didn't know about it, and I didn't want me, or my parents having any "Are you CrAzY?!" phone calls, and I didn't want to give my grandma a heart attack. But... now that it's been a decent amount of time, I figured I'd hash it out. :)
One of the most memorable things that has happened in my marriage so far would have to be that one time when we took in gangbanger and his girlfriend. haha I laugh as I right this because it sounds so funny, but its a true story. I'm obviously not going to go into any personal details about him, or his girlfriend, for theirs, and my protection. (cuz I know ALL them thugz be readin this) jk, but you never know.
I'm sure you're all WhAaaaT? now (we didn't tell too many people about this- for safety, and so people wouldn't think we were psycho, because it wasn't obviously the SMARTEST thing we've ever done.. but we're all alive, no worries- here's the story.
A little while after we were married Jon decided to try his hand at restaurant management, since he can do anything. So he did. One of the gals who worked for him was struggling and had been picking up extra shifts so that she could afford to stay the night at the hotel next to the restaurant. Jon found out about this and called me. Normally we'd both say, good for her for working hard for her and her baby. Well then we found out she was only 17 and then the sympathy card got pulled. So we discussed it and prayed about it and thought it would be okay to let her stay with us for a little bit. We had a whole extra apartment attached to the house so she could still be independent. Well the night we went to pick her up she had a "friend" with her. Apparently they had been helping each other out and she didn't want to leave him stranded so we let him come too. We didn't find out about his gang affiliation until we got home... haha
**I'm going to call the boy mike and the girl Jill.
Jill was bubbly and outgoing, very immature and loud. Funny, but kind of handful, and dramatic. So, a typical 17 year old girl.
Mike was 19. very quiet (at first) very reserved. looked mad a lot. dark eyes, you could tell by looking at him he was very unhappy and his mind was always very distant. Mike was kind of small though, which made him seem a lot younger. So for some reason I was not intimidated by him. Mike opened up to me eventually and I heard a lot of things about his life that seemed unreal. Which, maybe some were, who knows.
Either way, I learned a lot things from this experience and I thought I'd share, you know, in case some thug comes knockin' on your door lookin for a place to stay, you can be prepared. ;)
1. The light of Christ is Real.
As Mike spent more time with me and Jon, and started going to church activities he became a different person, he was so funny to be around, we all laughed and joked all the time and his countenance shown like a weight had been lifted, his eyes were sparkley, not dark like I had seen before. Noticing his countenance becoming brighter seemed obvious when I think back on it now, but as we were living it, it was hard to notice. What was not hard to notice though was when the spirit left Mike.
There was one night Mike and Jill got in a fight (this happened a lot) and things got really bad, dangerous phone calls were made and for the first time I was scared, terrified actually. Not for my life, but for someone elses- mikes friends. (long story) Mike came in the house to use the phone and he looked terrible. His eyes were dark and glazed like he was in a trance, and it wasn't really him. I didn't even like looking at him, and nothing I said talked him out of this mode he was in. I called Jon crying, he was at the neighbors, and like a bullet came flying home and stormed through the door and put the fear of God into "the kids" (as I liked to call them) and we didn't have anymore problems after that. But I will always remember what Mike looked like that day. No light, whatsoever was inside of him and it was frightening. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term "Light of Christ" Search for it here.
2. Satan is real.
If you didn't get that from #1, you will understand it here. We invited Mike and Jill to church every Sunday. They always politely declined, be we always left the option open. I think they came to part of sacrament meeting once, I don't really remember. But Mike had his headphones in the whole time, and they left early. Then they stopped coming. One particular sunday though, after Jill had left, (she ran off one day with some loser, leaving Mike totally heartbroken, which is a wholeeeee other dramatic rollercoaster of feelings from a teenage boy) Mike decided he would come with us. As we walked in, you could tell he was extremely uncomfortable. During the opening song he started getting very anxious and said he was just going to sit in the foyer. Halfway through the meeting I told Jon to go check on him. He was gone for a while so I left to go see what was going on.
As I approached them I just listened to the conversation which consisted mostly of Mike freaking out saying he couldn't go back in there because it was a bad place. He kept having a voice in his head tell him not to go in there, a literal voice he could hear saying that it was bad. He was freaking out because he kept hearing that voice, very clearly telling him not to go in.
Jon explained that that was satan, and we tried to remind him of other feelings he had had that were good feelings, we tried to sooth him but Mike didn't return to sacrament meeting that sunday.
Moroni 7:12 says it perfectly- 12 Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.
I know through the Spirit, we can be warned, but never will it give us feelings that make us scared or uneasy.
Satan had such a strong hold on Mike, like a chain around his neck. Every time he would take a few steps in the right direction something would go wrong and satan would yank that chain and bring Mike right back to square one. ( the emotional roller coaster that this kid was would put any 16yr old girl to shame)
3. Trust? Not likely.
Mike and Jill were not trustworthy at all, loved them, but didn't trust them haha and they didn't seem to trust anyone either, Mike especially.
I think we gained his trust eventually, but not until after this funny experience.
-One night Jon was driving mike to a singles ward activity, it was a quiet car ride (Mike had warmed up to me quite quickly but was still a little uncomfortable around Jon) when all of the sudden Mike broke the silence- the conversation went a little something like this-
Mike: Alright man, what's up with you?!
Jon: huh?
Mike: What's your deal man? like are you a cop? are you wearing a wire? just tell me!
Jon: lol what are you talking about?!
Mike: There's no way you're really trying to help us out. No one would do this. I know you're a fed or something! Just tell me!
Jon: laughing hysterically.
Jon did lift up his shirt to prove he wasn't wearing a wire, just to be sure.
That story always makes me laugh, but reminds me that Mike was SO certain no one would be so willing to help, without having an alternate motive. He trusted us pretty good after that. :)
4. Just because people do bad things doesn't make them a bad person.This one is pretty much a no brainer. But in all reality, if I were to hear Mikes life story, and not know him. I would pretty much say he's a bad person. But since I got to know him well, and see that he actually has a heart of gold, (he just has no idea how to act on it) I was humbled, in learning that he was a good person, he had just made a lot...(LOT) of bad decisions.
5. No grasp on reality.One thing I found really strange about Mike and Jill was their absolute lack of grasp on what real life was like. The idea of having job you go to everyday, cleaning up after yourself, taking care of things, just things that seem like regular everyday-everyone knows- things, was not "normal" for them. In their mind, if you need or want something, you go..sell.. something... or just take it. If you're hungry, you go buy the $8 sandwich at the deli instead of the bread and lunch meat for half the price to make 10 times the sandwiches, just little common sense things like that. And the idea that our religion was a way life, not just a building we went to on sundays was so surreal to them as well.
It was just interesting to see them examine our lives as something that was totally unachievable, when the whole time we were trying to teach them that it totally was. They wanted to same things we did, what anyone would, out of life, they just had no idea how to get it.
6. They're just kids.Mike's stories he would tell me about all his "buddies" and the things they've done(after the shock factor diminished) were just stupid. He was just a 19 year old kid who had the same feelings any 19 year old kid would have, he just didn't know what to do with them. I felt such mixed emotions for Mike and Jill, no sympathy for the stupid mistake they made, but my heart ached a little when I would stay up late with Jill talking about how she never got to go to a school dance, how Mike really wanted to finish High school because he knew it was important but just couldn't seem to stay on track. Even if they had post-poned their bad decisions till after they graduated, at least they would have gotten to have a childhood. Jill, Mike and a lot of his buddies were just young and stupid, and they were just kids, but because of their bad decisions they had to be adults before they should've been.
7. Children are a product of their environment.
I have been learning this from the moment I started working in schools- there would be the out of control-attitude ridden kids that I wanted to tie down to their chair to get their attention, but then I meet their parents and it all makes sense. Is that considered judgmental? I don't know, but my views/knowledge of this was magnified after living with Mike and Jill. After seeing and learning about where they came from, I don't blame them for their decisions. I know that we all still have our agency, and we can all choose for ourselves, but when everyday of your life you are surrounded by people smoking since you were a baby, chances are, you're going to smoke too, because that's all you know.
8. People can change.I only believe this because I literally saw it happen. There's a BIG but here though, yes, I think people can change but it IS NOT A ONE AND DONE. Mike changed SO much in the few months he was with us, but just like with everyone, if you don't keep working at something, it dwindles. Unfortunately Mike has (most likely) dwindled because he went right back to his previous situation. Now I can't say for sure that he's gone back to doing everything he was before (I hope not) but you never know. I do know he's not doing everything we WISH he was, but that's okay. At the end of our time with him, he decided to fess up and be a man, he came clean and went to court for the things he'd done.
The main reason I chose to share this was because of the testimony I gained that
9.Heavenly Father loves ALL His children.
This was SO evident during the time Mike and Jill were with us. I don't even know how to explain it, but I could feel the love that Heavenly Father had for the kids even at times when I sure has heck didn't love them. It didn't matter what Mike or Jill had done, I knew he loved them, and I know, at times, they knew too.
It was a whirlwind of life thrown at me in the course of 3 months but I wouldn't have traded it. Jon and I reflect on that time often and it was hard, but so worth it. We even say we miss them sometimes. Not a lot.. but sometimes. haha
oh and of course
10. "Thas wassup" can be a response to ANYTHING.
Mike said that ALL THE TIMEEEE. at first it was the ONLY thing he'd ever say. He was very quiet, but we would tell him things, and he'd kinda nod and quietly say "thas wassup" eventually we would tease him about it, and say it all the time in gangster voices until he realized how silly it was, needless to say he stopped saying it.
So yeah, that's about all. here's the good stuff-there were a lottt lately.
Quotes from Jon:I was bragging to Jon about how I wouldn't get sick and his response was "Well duh cuz you have the immune system of a........immune system!" good one.
"I smell what you did"
"I love your sonobello body"
"you could be my squaw"
"I need my singing juice"
I asked Jon what he though about the Ombre look for hair..
Me: do you think ombre looks good?
Jon: "if your name is chewbaca and you're in star wars." after I laughed he continued..."I feel like its a look from the 70s that all the ugly girls had (not sure what 70s era he's talking about) I should be a hair consultant. I'd save lots of girls from making really bad decisions!"
No offence to anyone with ombre hair ( I think its cute) Jon just has strong hair opinions... lol
and my favorite-
"I wonder how many black kids we would have to adopt before we got one that made it into the NBA"
ah I love him. well that's all..
thas wassup.
Bye!
