The LaRue life...: R.I.P.

You guys, it's been quite a while. I must apologize. surprisingly enough I had a few people approach me saying "why haven't you posted recently?!" and to that I say... I don't know!
But here I am, so you can love me again.

I'm going to start off with a tragedy.
Here is the story.
A few weeks ago (i'm so behind) I got a call from our next door neighbor. It went a little something like this-
Michele: (french accent) hello, Lauren? the chicken has been coming into our yard and attacking the grandkids.
Me: oh no, really? i'm so sorry! that's so surprising he has never done that before!
Michele: It is okay, we like the chicken but we don't want him to hurt the grandkids.
Me: Okay we'll take care of him. (you know what that means)
Michele: no.. we don't want you to have to have to do that, you could just try to keep him in your yard?
Me: eh.. there's really no way to do that without building a coop, its okay we will take care of him..
Michele: okay.. i'm sorry!
Me: No, i'm sorry! don't worry about it.
Hang up.
Sad right?
But you can't have your chicken randomly attacking your neighbors..
I was slightly skeptical considering he had never done anything like that to us before, but I knew she wouldn't lie to us.
So I avoided it for a few days.. How could you kill such a loving chicken?

Anyway, about a week later I was home alone. Bored. So I decided to go play with my friend, Coby, the chicken.
We were having a grand old time.

Friendliest chicken you've ever seen right? WRONG.

So anyway, that same day my dogs decided to run off. So I went by the fence and started hollering for them, and whistling.

All of the sudden Coby comes running out of nowhere, and stops right behind me. Scared me a bit but then I was like oh, hey whats up.

Anyway I turned back around to yell for the dogs again and then BAM! Attack of the demon chicken!

The beast almost knocked me over! I screamed and yelled for Jon to come outside.

"SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM" I screamed

For some reason Jon was just giggling from the window.

After a couple minutes of enjoyment Jon came to my rescue of course. He signaled me to bring the chicken closer..

I cautiously did so.

My battle wound.
Doesn't look like much, but he got the back of my knee too. And it hurt!

Anyway, here comes the sad part. Jon didn't want to "take care of him" by the road so he told me to lead him into the field. Because the dang chicken followed me like a puppy, I lead him to his death in the field.

I couldn't bare to watch so I turned around.
Bang!

Let's pause here.

Most people are aware that when you cut off a chicken's head he still runs around for a couple minutes.
Jon "took care of" the chicken with a gun, so I figured it would be one and done.
Not so.
I turned around after the bang only to see a flailing backflipping ex-best friend bombarding down the hill.
(too graphic?)

It's funny now, but I cried for a good 15 minutes.
Amid the downpour of tears and "I'm never going hunting with you ever!" screams, Jon consoled me as he tried not to laugh.

Now just to be clear,
I don't have a mean husband.
I have a husband who grew up around this and didn't take a second thought at this, where as I had pet fish growing up and a couple hamsters, and the death of one of those was just about as traumatic as a family member.

Anyway, I needed some alone time so I went inside and sat on the couch. Reminiscing about all the good times.
While Jon sang some song about eating chicken for dinner.

I peeked out and saw this... you don't want to know.
**I re-read all my posts before I submit them, and looking over this I thought... this kinda looks like a creepy guy hunched over devouring a dead chicken. Which is not the case, Jon was cleaning the chicken before he cooked it (which I did not take part of) Just to be clear.

And later I saw this. Also disturbing.