Here we go! (because it's time for a BIG update!)
But first let me again, preface, that I LOVE our life. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you can tell they are trying to pry... They shake your hand and say how ARE you?? Like, as they stare into your soul "tell me the deepest desires and concerns of your heart right here please, because I really want to know, this isn't a general, hey how are ya? I'm good, kind of question"
Well, I feel like I get those a lot. From friends, family, church members/leaders. And every time I tell them, "great! I love it! cant complain!" I'm being 100% honest.
For those who know me, I mean really know me, know that I am honestly a What-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl. There are not secret chambers of my heart that I hide my deepest desires. I am content with whatever life I live and boy do I bloom where I am planted!
Sure, some experiences are easier/harder/less enjoyable/ more enjoyable than others but isn't that life? Why should I hide deep feelings or concerns, or separate desires from what I'm living when I have someone by my side who loves me and listens and would give up every dream of his in an instant if I asked him to?
Does that make me crazy? I don't know. I think life is incredibly simple. Not because only easy things happen, hard things happen all the time, but I think my brain just functions differently than most people. I'm grateful for it though, life is much happier when there's no (rarely) drama and when there is, it's manageable.
I probably will say all this and then have kids and my whole world will be shook forever butttt let me just enjoy it while I can haha
I feel like I've said all this before, but sometimes you gotta refresh people because they forget ;)
SO ANYWAY back to the whirlwind!
Lets start almost exactly one year ago. (I wrote about some of this, but writing about the entire year instead of a few months seems more even to me, #OCD)
July 2017 Sold a house in Arimo that we only lived in for 6 months and moved to Grace because plans fell through, We bought a 5th wheel camp trailer. I Lauren started a new job as an office manager at a chiropractic office, Jon was farming. Lived in the trailer on the farm for July, August, Sept. ( LOVED IT! it was like fancy camping for 3 months) although, $200 at the laundry mat was not cool.
July 2017 Tired of trying to get pregnant after 5 years, Lauren decides she's fine with adopting/foster. Many conversations with Jon, he's not sold yet. Start the foster process multiple times, nothing seems to ever work out. Jon seeks council from Bishop, told to get doctors involved. Lauren not thrilled but wiling.
Start new medicine, on it for 6 months, if not pregnant after 6 months, start new medicine.
August 2017 Made large business purchase and invested in herd of Black angus cattle. Made business plan with Jons boss for 1 year, depending on how first year went we would stay for at least the next 6 years to pay off loan.
Oct 2017 Moved the trailer to the golf course, lived there for 1 month
Nov 2017 Moved into a snowbirds house, stayed there until the end of April
Dec 2017 Still not pregnant after 6 months of medicine, start new medicine.
March 2018 Bought a home in soda springs, moved out of snowbirds house in April.
did some remodeling on house. Started round 1 Clomid, received negative pregnancy test.
April 2018 Received inspired council from another Bishop. Started round 2 Clomid along with natural hormone supplement. POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST.
>>>>>WATCH OUR PREGNANCY STORY HERE<<<<<
June 2018 Unfortunately business plan was not going as well as hoped. Looking for other options.
Jon and previous college roommate (who is now a fancy Angus breeder and cow professional, as I like to call him) discuss plans.
June 2018 trying to figure out what the heck to do with our lives.
June 2018 I see a message on a local classifieds page from a girl looking to move her family to Soda springs and wanting a house with horse property. I message her, tell her nothing is certain but she can come look at our house.
July 2018 Her and husband come to our house, get out of car, ask when they can sign papers.
July 2018 House is under contract. No idea what is happening with business plans. Praying a lot.
July 2018 House sells.
August 2018 Plans finalized with college roommate, Jon and Seth will be partnering with Registered Black angus cattle business.
August 2018 Huge fire on property where cows are grazing. Minor heart attacks, but everyone was okay. No cows lost.
August 2018 Jon moves all cattle down to Preston. Jon moves to preston to be with cows during Fall calving. Lauren stays with sister in law In Grace for 2 weeks while training her replacement at work.
Sept 2018 LAUREN MOVES TO PRESTON AND HER AND JON LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH A BUNCH OF COWS
So yeah, lots of stuff happened this year, I feel like I barely skimmed the surface with details too haha but yup. That's my life!
As I mentioned before Jon and I are expecting our first baby at the end of January. This miracle baby took its time coming to us but we know it was all according to Heavenly Father's plan.
My pregnancy has been incredibly easy. And I'm overwhelmingly grateful. My first trimester was a moody one😂 but I didn't have a single spout of morning sickness. 2nd trimester started with migraines everyday which was hard but i got through it! They have subsided for the most part now. I'm halfway done, and time has flown!
And now for (according to Jon) "The only reason people read my blog-
Quotes from Jon!!"That hurt 2 and a half percent"
"My armpit is probably one of my best features."
"I like my fries like I like my women, thin and salty."
"You're still beautiful even when you're ugly."
Me: Have fun on your man date!
Jon: It's not a man date! It's just a date with a man!
"I just ate 8 fortune cookies and none of them were even good"
I also want to introduce a new section called quotes from Savvy-
(Savvy is the little sister of Hailey, the wife of Seth, Jon's business partner)
and she says hilarious things!
"It's foreign, it's from New Hampshire!"
love her haha anyway, bye! or not...
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Wait- you thought i was done? I've got an announcement you might not have seen coming-
BYe bye social media! (again... but this time, for good) No worries! I'm keeping the blog.
Let me share with you some thoughts ive been having.. Buckle up- here comes a novel.
In April of 2017 I decided to go on a social Media fast. I realized I was wasting a lot of time and needed a break.
For the first little while i would find myself subconsiously turning my phone screen on to check notifications, just out of habit.
(that was a pretty good indicator to me that I had spent too much time on it) But after a while that faded and i didn't even miss it.
A year went by and when the day arrived for me to return to social media I was honestly pretty excited. I got on my phone, reinstalled my apps
(my most used ones were Facebook, instagram, and Youtube) and scrolled like the wind! I sat on my couch for a good hour, probably more, and scrolled though
everything i had missed through out the year. After I finished, i put my phone down, stared off into space and thought to myself,
"Wow, I missed out on absolutely nothing."
LITERALLY NOTHING. If i ever had FOMO, it was demolished in that moment. I don't know why i continued using social media after that, after so clearly realizing i most definitely didn't need it, or benefited from it. But i did. Silly me.
Since April I have had multiple experiences, maybe even personal revelations that I needed to be done with social media.
I've put it off and put it off. My main reason (excuse) was because I recently became pregnant, something my husband and I have been praying for and working towards for the last 5 years. It is a very exciting time in our lives and I wanted to make sure I could post all about it to share
this exciting time with family and friends.
I kept having small things happen that made me think it was time to delete social media, but again, i kept putting it off. But within the last 3 months I have had 3 specific experiences that really pushed me to my final decision.
-The first experience happened a few months ago when i caught myself HARSHLY judging someone close to me who i absolutely love and adore, simply based off a post on social media. I got SO irritated by this one little post I seriously ranted about it to my husband for like 10 minutes about how stupid i thought the post was, and this person, for posting it.
I was saying horrible things about someone I LOVE. A few minutes after my vent session ended i felt sick to my stomach.
How could I have just said such horrible things about that person? (I didnt even say them to their face, or on their post, it was just between me and my husband yet I felt awful.) I knew in that moment, the deletion of my page would be soon.
If something totally harmless from someone that I love made me that upset, It was clearly a problem. Some may struggle with this as well, you see something that someone else has posted and think to yourself, "how stupid" or "how embarrassing, why would someone post that?" or "wow, they're really
fishing for compliments." All unnecessary and hurtful things. Have you found yourself using the excuse- it's not that big of a deal, it's not like I'm actually commenting on them, i'm just thinking it to myself.
I've had those same thoughts. But then recently the thought came to my mind, "You may not be hurting them, but you're hurting yourself." Ouch.
-The second experience happened just a week or so ago. I was browsing facebook one night before bed (probably still before I had read my scriptures)
And came across a meme by one of my non-member friends about a political issue concerning the church. At first I just rolled my eyes and kept scrolling, but then i thought, "we are told we need to be bold in defending the Church of Christ,
so i guess i better defend it."
First let me just say i NEVER comment on political posts. EVER.
1. Because i barely know anything about politics.
2. Political posts=contention, and contention makes me SO uncomfortable.
Anyway, long story short I end up commenting, in a very light hearted way, and the second i hit submit, my brain was ON FIRE. I literally don't know if i've ever been more stressed in my life. (ridiculous, i know!)
I was completely wired for hours, my brain was running in circles thinking of every scenario of what could happen, what other people would say what i would respond with and so on and so forth. Eventually I had to turn on hymns and do breathing exercises for 20 minutes to be able to calm my mind down. If that's not a sign that something needs out of your life, then i don't know what is!
If one little comment on one irrelevant post causes me that much stress?! Definitely not a good thing. When morning came someone had responded with an opposing view, but we were actually able to have a civilized conversation but i think that was just a tender mercy from Heavenly Father because of the mental anguish i had just endured the night before.😹😹😹
-The third experience was just because of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine a few days ago. I was at her house and we were chatting about life etc, and the gospel came up as it normally does with her and we just had a great conversation about motherhood (she has 2 small children) and how we both feel that social media is just so unnecessary. We also discussed building the kingdom of God and of the things that were truly important to us. It was a wonderful conversation with so many excellent insights.
I really appreciated her insight because she is already a mother. I often discuss my feelins about social media, or excessive electronics and other Moms and they always
give me "the look" you know the one, where they stand there with their arms folded, thinking "Mhm.. you say all this now, but just WAIT until you have your OWN kids! THEN you'll change your tune!"
Well my friend with her 2 children seems to be surviving without it... and my mom survived without it.. and millions of other moms have survived without it...
So I think I have enough faith in myself to say I can survive without it as well. Now please don't think i'm saying that you are a bad mom if you have social media.
All i'm saying is, I don't think I will be the best mom that I can be, if I have it.
Those 3 experiences were the final straw for me. All these thoughts have been swirling around in my brain for the last 3 months, and now that i'm trying to get them all out it is a bit jumbed.
I will try my best to be clear and compassionate with my feelings on this subject.
First let me say, I am not perfect, and my opinion on how to be a good mother, wife, friend, etc are not gospel truth.
But because these thought have been consuming my mind so aggressively the last few months I felt like maybe I needed to share.
SO. Social Media.
Why do we have it?
Here are some common reasons i often hear as to why people use social media.
1.It's fun to connect to friends and family that live far away
2. It's a good way to waste time, or escape from the stresses of everyday life
3.You are lonely. Maybe you lack social skills, or you are single, or you live far from family or friends and social media helps you feel connected
4. It's fun getting likes and comments! I think we can all agree there is a little thrill from posting a cute or funny picture and getting a ton of likes or comments.
People have actually done studies on this and the act of checking our phone and finding positive notifications actually releases endorphins! which is great and all, butttt there are better ways to get that.
If you are Posting things for the purpose of likes or comments, that should be a pretty good indicator that you are searching for approval in the wrong places.
I am guilty of this one for sure. I think i have a pretty fun/interesting life,and we have had a lot of fun exciting news recently, i like posting things about my life because I know people will respond positively. But that is not where i place my worth, but when people start to, they then lose sight of their real divine nature.
There's also people who post positive things about their lives that may not even be true.. just to portray an image to other people that their life is great. (My post last year when i went on my year long social media fast gives 3 examples of this happening, and it's ridiculous!)
I would like to add that it is not a bad thing to want to share your good news with others! But.. is it necessary to share it with hundreds, maybe thousands, of people you aren't even close with?
When my husband and I called our grandma to tell her i was pregnant, her excited response of, "well happy new year!!" was 10,000 times better than any of the likes, thumbs up, or congratulatory
comments I got on our social media announcement. I wont remember a single comment, but i will always remember her response. It was more precious and more fulfilling than any response online.
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After looking over this list I think to myself, are these necessary, valid reasons to keep social media? Or are they just excuses.
I mostly relate to reason #1 on the list- I think it's fun to connect with friends and family online, i like looking at pictures, and sharing my own. But back to my question, is it necessary? Is it a valid reason to keep it? Does looking at pictures of a cousins birthday make me feel closer to that cousin? Does my relationship with my friend improve when i see their pictures of them at the beach? ...To be honest, no. So for me, it is not a valid enough reason to keep. For me, it was just an excuse to waste time.
If a person wants to have a close relationship with someone else they need to do more than look at pictures of them.
I also want to add that virtual friends and real friends are not the same thing. If you are trying to satisfy your need for fellowship and acceptance from others, virtual relationships will not satisfy that need (whether it be with strangers from across the world, or people you know, but don't talk to in person but are friends with on social media) these relationships will never satisfy you because you do not need them. Humans need fellowship and acceptance and love, but the best way to get that is through actual interaction.
I hope that if this is something that you struggle with you will be able to find peace through Jesus Christ instead of an online community. A good tip to help over come this is to serve others.
When we get outside ourselves we stop trying to satisfy OUR Needs, but become fulfilled by satisfying the needs of others. (Does ministering ring any bells?)
Aside from excuses we might use for the positives of social media, there are also some obvious negatives.
CONTENTION
My husband has never been a fan of social media of any kind. Any time I was on it, he was either upset i was spending too much time on it, or he would get upset with me for being so judgemental after i would tell him about so-and-so's dumb post. And the first few years of our marriage any time i was on social media it turned into an argument between us.
I would always use the excuse "Facebook isn't evil, the Prophet has one!" and it would turn into an argument every time.
Which brings me to the quote that inspired my social media fast last year
My husband and I have always had an excellent marriage. I've never felt like I had any major sins being totally destructive in my life
BUT I was definitely the most defensive about social media. Which made me think, IS it a sin? Facebook itself may not be a sin, but i think wasting time is. I also think that perfectly avoidable contention is as well.
Looking back now i can see how destructive it really was. Social media was probably the only thing he and I ever really argued about.
Aside from contention in the home, social media also ignites a lot of contention between users. Have you ever seen an arguement in the comments section of Youtube?
Between twitter users? On a Facebook post? Pretty sure we all have. For some reason people feel that they can say things that they would normally never say in person
if they are sitting being a computer or phone screen.
COMPARISON
Comparison is something that SO MANY PEOPLE, especially women, struggle with. I feel very blessed to have never personally struggled with feelings of comparison, but I know so many who do.
I"m going to start with an analogy. (one i came up with myself that I am VERY proud of haha)
Smoking cigarettes. EVERYONE know show bad smoking is for you. Literally EVERYONE. We have all heard MILLIONS of times how it causes cancer,
it has tons of terrible side effects, ITS JUST BAD. That's a no brainer. You're taught that from day one, EVERYONE KNOWS. But SOMEHOW there are STILL people who smoke!
There are still NEW customers to the tobacco industry, HOW?! i don't know about you, but whenevr I see someone smoking i'm just totally baffled. EVERYONE knows it's bad, but people stll do it.
Okay, so, lets look at that next to comparison. EVERYONE KNOWS social media isn't "real life" EVERYONE knows comparison is the thief of joy. EVERYONE knows you shouldn't compare your worst to someone elses best. We've been told countless times in church meetings and articles the harm that is caused by comparison, yet, PEOPLE STILL DO IT? How?! Why?!
Seems silly now doesn't it?
If you want to check out an EXCELLENT talk about comparison on social media
Watch this video from Elder Gary E Stevenson
ADDICTION
No shame, I was totally addicted to social media. This is funny because if you were to look at my personal social media pages you would see I'm not an overly active poster.
Butttt I am a scroller. But we all know that one person who posts a MILLION things and we all think, how do they even have the time?!
But like i realized from my social media fast last year, the amount of times i subconsciously checked my phone for notifications after i had deleted it was a pretty good indicator i spent too much time on it. I was a habitual checker. And I could scroll for an hour, put my phone down, then 20 min later
come back and look at it all again. I'm good at wasting time. And i think a lot of other people are too. If you're checking your phone a million times a day, and you're not using it for business.. probably a good sign it's overused.
Children are SO easily susceptible to addictions because of their brains still developing. I remember sitting in a relief society class one sunday and the topic was social media.
There were multiple moms voicing their concern about how much time their teens spend on social media. One mom in particular stated she didn't know what to do because her 13 year old
was already addicted to her phone. My first response was, "well, why don't you just take away her phone..?" (also what on earth does a 13 ear old need a phone for? let alone
one with internet accesibilty!!?) But I was surrounded by moms with teens who all gave me"the look" (the i have no idea what i'm talking about look because i don't have any children) and her response was, I kid you not-, "well I can't just take it away, all of her friends
have a phone."
WHAT!!!??! i'm not even going to get into that.
What i'm just trying to say is, social media addiction starts YOUNG. and it doesn't help when their parents are just as addicted. It's hard to lead by example if you're a "do as i say, not as I do", kind of person.
Another negative is that the accessibility to porn is UNREAL. If you don't think your child has seen any porn on social media, you're wrong. If your spouse uses social media and you don't think they've seen pornography, you're probably wrong there too. I personally don't struggle with porn addiction, but I have seen pornography in the most random places on social media, it just finds you!
It is EVERYWHERE. Some of you may remember the young man who started the #nationaldeletesnapchat day to boycott Snapchat because of its accessibility to Porn. I admire him for that movement.
If your child has social media I would hope you are strongly monitoring it. If your spouse uses it, and you have separate accounts I would hope you two are open and honest with each others accounts and passwords. Not only is there easy access to porn, but children, teens, and adult all say things online they probably wouldn't say in person. For some reason the screen in front of them allows them to say things there that they would never say in person.
This is a problem in and of itself whether that's rude behavior or sexually inappropriate behavior,
If you are addicted to social media, or have problems with pornography. JUST GET RID OF IT. The list of excuses above are just that, excuses.
If you were a recovering alcoholic you wouldn't hang out at the bar would you? Going "just because your friends are all going" would be an unwise and unhealthy excuse.
Be strong enough to just let go.
WASTING TIME
This is a big one. It's pretty common knowledge that for most people you can waste A LOT of time on social media. Wasting time is what I struggle with the most.
Literally HOURS can be spent mindlesly scrolling. Think of the stuff you could get done if you didnt feel the need to look at your phone.
Houses would be clean, scriptures would be read, dinner would be made, children and spouses would feel loved and acknowledged.
As i mentioned before I am expecting my first child. I am thrilled and terrified. I have not always been a "kid" person. I've never been too good at playing with children or keeping them entertained. Because this is something that i struggle with already, I really don't want to have any unnecessary distractions from raising this child.
Sister Bonnie L Oscarson gave a wonderful talk called The Needs Before Us (paraphrasing) it's about how members of the church are so quick to help others but sometimes missing those right in front of us who need the most love and attention. I NEVER want to miss a moment with my spouse or child that could've been recognized if i hadn't been looking at my phone.
I feel like most excuses for keeping social media can be refuted.
After a lot of thought I have only been able to come up with 2 reasons someone might keep it.
1. You are a network marketer. If it is YOUR JOB to be on social media, then heck yeah! Get it done! There have been so many opportunities for people, especially stay at home moms, to be able to make money for themselves and their families using network marketing, and I think that's awesome!
BUT i would still challenge, you, if you are in network marketing, to take a step back and see how much time you are spending on social media in general.
Sure you get your work done there, but is there still time being wasted?
When you've made your sales for the day, do you unplug and enjoy family time? Or are you still scrolling?
Just a thought.
2. You, as the Apostles and Prophets have encouraged, are using social media for so much good.
There are a lot of wonderfully inspiring pages, some even ran by the church, that post beautiful, uplifting content. The message of the gospel gets spread around the world through
these pages and it's awesome! So if you run a gospel based page, keep up the good work!
But again, evaluate your time spent on your social media page(s) . And as Sister Oscarson said, while you are reaching out to those around you, be sure not to miss out on those closest to you, inside the walls of your own home.
There are so many wonderful talks about how social media can be used for SO MUCH GOOD, HERE'S ONE by Elder David A Bednar.
I have a thought on this though, if you aren't using it for "so much good" then what's the point of having it?
The gospel of Jesus Christ is black and white. There is no grey area, there can be no fence sitters.
If you are not moving forward with your testimony and building the kingdom of God, then you are moving backward.
So in my mind if i am not using social media for doing "so much good" and building the kingdom of God, then to me, I am moving it backward, and I definitely don't want to do that.
Not that any of the content i would post was bad, but was it necessary?
You could refute that with, "Well Lauren, a microwave isn't necessary but you use that don't you!?" This is true. but a microwave also doesn't take your attention away from
your family, and it doesn't take your time away from the things that are most important in life.
To close these thoughts i want to share a bit of a talk by elder Neil L Andersen.
He tells a story of an experience by president David O Mckay- of a vision he had while traveling to Samoa
“I beheld a beautiful white city. … Trees with luscious fruit … and flowers in perfect bloom abounded everywhere. … A great concourse of people [was] approaching the city. Each one wore a white flowing robe. … Instantly my attention … centered upon their leader, and though I could see only the profile of his features … , I recognized him at once as my Savior! The … radiance of his countenance [was] glorious. … [The] peace about him … was divine!”
President McKay continues, “The city … was his … the City Eternal; and the people following him were to abide there in peace and eternal happiness.”President McKay wondered, “Who [are] they? [Who are these people?]”
He explains what happened next:
“As if the Savior read my thoughts, he answered by pointing to [words in] a semicircle that … appeared above [the people], … written in gold … :
“‘These Are They Who Have Overcome the World—“Who Have Truly Been Born Again!’”
For decades, I have remembered the words: “These are they who have overcome the world. The blessings that the Lord has promised to those who overcome the world are breathtaking. They will be “clothed in white … and [named in] the book of life.” The Lord “will confess [their names] before [the] Father, and before his angels.” Each shall have “part in the first resurrection,” receive eternal life, and “go no more out” from the presence of God.
Is it possible to overcome the world and receive these blessings? Yes, it is.
...Jesus said, “Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
Later He added, “I will that ye should overcome the world.”
Overcoming the world is not one defining moment in a lifetime, but a lifetime of moments that define an eternity.
.....Overcoming the world means turning ourselves outward, remembering the second commandment17: “He that is greatest among you shall be your servant.”18 The happiness of our spouse is more important than our own pleasure. Helping our children to love God and keep His commandments is a primary priority. We willingly share our material blessings through tithing, fast offerings, and giving to those in need. And as our spiritual antennas are pointed heavenward, the Lord guides us to those we can help.
The world builds its universe around itself, proudly proclaiming: “Look at me compared to my neighbor! Look at what is mine! See how important I am!”
The world is easily irritated, disinterested, and demanding, loving the cheers of the crowd, while overcoming the world brings humility, empathy, patience, and compassion for those different than yourself.
...Overcoming the world is being less concerned with our online connections and more concerned with our heavenly connection to God.
You can read the whole talk HERE
So i'd like to end with a challenge- if you use any of the apps on the left, more than the ones on the right. Please take a moment, and decide if there are any other things you are neglecting. If so, consider a social media fast- Just like the one President Nelson suggested. Click on the link- review the benefits and decide if you feel it would be beneficial to you. After your fast, consider how you felt and see if maybe deleting completely would be good for you and your family.
I am not perfect in this effort and i am not trying to change the world. I am simply trying to better myself. If any of this has touched you i encourage you to sit back and re-evaluate
your time spent on social media. It's a wonderful REAL world we live in and I'd love to see more people enjoying it, rather than the fake world on their phones, taking them from what's real.
Pray to your Heavenly father to see what is best for you and your family.
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